


it's fine, we're fine

by dearwinter



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, baek juho is a sweetheart, but also loves to tease taeyang, taeyang is a jealous sun, the other boys are kind of just in the background - Freeform, yoo taeyang is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-09 13:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18918265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearwinter/pseuds/dearwinter
Summary: “you’re my baby.”taeyang takes a minute to hide his face in juho’s neck, trying to collect his thoughts. he gathers enough courage to look at juho in the eyes and pulls back. “youronlybaby? you don’t think of the others like that?”(or: taeyang gets jealous of his members. juho lets him know there's nothing to worry about.)





	it's fine, we're fine

**Author's Note:**

> perhaps juho looking baffled af when taeyang ran away from him in that One 🐎 Video got my creative juices flowing.

to say taeyang is stressed would be an understatement.

to most people, it wouldn't be a big deal—scratch that—most people wouldn’t even have this _problem_ in the first place. and taeyang realises that, realises it's unhealthy and definitely not normal and has tried time and time again to ignore it and bury his feelings but he can't. so yes, it’s a big deal. it's a big deal because it's getting to him and it’s stressing him out and the only way for him to _unstress_ is to do something about it.

for his own _sanity_ , taeyang _needs_ to do something about it.

it’s been one month since him and juho got together, since juho approached him with unexpected confessions falling off his tongue. confessions that made him _cry_ , more than once. confessions that made his heart _hurt,_ in a good way.

so it goes without saying that this month, taeyang has been the happiest he’s ever been. juho is the sweetest, best, most attentive boyfriend in the entire world, and if he thinks about it, he’s not much different than how he was _before_ they started dating. juho still silently takes care of him all the time, when he’s drunk or tired or sleepy, still makes him a cup of coffee every morning, still cuddles him whenever he wants. there’s just the added privilege of being able to kiss juho on the lips, the added privilege of being able to visit him at his studio without needing to hide behind excuses like _i’m stuck on this song, hyung_ or _brought you food, hyung_. taeyang can slide onto his lap whenever he feels like it, can kiss juho in front of his hyungs just because he _wants_ to. there’s the added freedom of being able to tell juho he loves him whenever he feels like it, doesn’t have to suppress the aggressive waves of feelings crashing inside of him anymore because he knows juho feels the same. 

so yeah, it’s amazing, so so good and taeyang has never been happier in his life. except now that they’re exclusive—taeyang thinks that his feelings might have grown tenfold. he feels like his love for juho grows more intense each day he spends as juho's boyfriend, and—and with heightened feelings often comes jealousy. 

and taeyang is almost _always_ jealous. of his friends.

taeyang is jealous of his friends.

the thing is, the boys don’t treat neither of them differently now that they’re dating. rowoon is always all over juho, always touching his thighs in interviews, always pulling at his cheeks, always gives him back hugs whenever he wants. dawon is even worse, _kisses_ juho sometimes and juho never indulges him, always rubs at his cheek as if he’s disgusted and taeyang knows, he knows it literally means nothing because dawon kisses taeyang too, he kisses rowoon and inseong and literally everyone else so it doesn’t mean anything at all.

the members are all just touchy and comfortable with each other. that’s it. and it should be fine but—it’s not. it’s not and taeyang hates it. he feels overwhelmed, feels like he doesn’t have juho to himself, then he feels awful because he knows that’s bullshit, knows that he can’t have juho to himself because juho is a human being, not an object to own and it’s stupid for him to get upset just because his friends want to show him affection too. and then he just ends up feeling bad for feeling jealous and it’s just—just a vicious fucking cycle.

it’s friday and they’re off tomorrow, so it’s movie night. they’re on the sofa watching _the notebook_ for the tenth time because taeyang moaned and moaned and of course they can’t help but indulge him. youngbin and jaeyoon are in their rooms sleeping, left the movie halfway with murmurs of _being tired_ and _needing to sleep_ and no one really protests because they know how tiring their schedule has been recently, so they let them off the hook this time. hwiyoung and chani, however, are very engrossed in the movie that they don’t even notice youngbin and jaeyoon leave. they’re on the floor with dawon resting his head on inseong’s lap and it makes him feel better for a bit, just proves to him that there’s no need to feel weird over the boys being affectionate with juho because they’re all affectionate with each other anyway. that’s how they are. it’s fine. it’s all good.

everything is fine. everything is great until taeyang realises rowoon is curled into juho’s side, arms wrapped around juho’s waist and head resting on his bicep. and yeah, taeyang is on juho’s other side, yeah he’s holding juho’s hand and juho’s been pressing kisses over his shoulder throughout the movie. but he still—he still doesn’t _like_ it. can’t help it, can’t help the ugly sensation brewing in his chest, threatening to come out and engulf him whole. taeyang can barely focus on the movie, starts to notice that familiar feeling of insecurity creeping up on him. starts to get upset.

so taeyang excuses himself, tries to keep his face expressionless. gives juho a kiss on the cheek and tells him _i’m tired, gonna get some sleep hyung_. and taeyang knows he’s overreacting, knows juho will realise something is up and follow him because taeyang never escapes movie night. his favourite part _of_ movie night is juho carrying taeyang to his room after he falls asleep on his lap, tucking him in and slipping under the covers with him. it doesn’t make sense for him to leave movie night. it’s their routine.

taeyang leaves anyway.

he feels horrible but he can’t help it, needs the reassurance. he doesn’t even look at juho as he gets up, just heads to his own room (another sign that something is _not_ right—taeyang only ever sleeps in juho’s room these days. juho says they should go back and forth between the rooms instead of just abandoning taeyang's (hwiyoung is no longer roommates with him by the way) but taeyang refuses. wants to feel juho _everywhere, everywhere, everywhere_ and of course juho lets him have his way), gets rid of his sweatpants so he's left in his boxers and one of juho's old shirts, and slips under the covers. tries to calm his racing heart, tells his heart that it’s fine, juho loves him. _stop acting crazy_. tells the anxiety that is eating him to go away, juho loves him. _juho loves me._

it’s only been a few minutes until the door opens and juho walks in. feels a lot longer, but that’s because taeyang is driving himself crazy, losing himself in his thoughts. he feels like his heart is disagreeing with his mind, disagreeing with his body, disagreeing with the rest of his organs. feels like every hair on his body is standing, erect, on high alert like how he gets when he sees juho with someone else. knows this is unhealthy. tells himself to _calm down, calm down, calm down, calm down. you don’t want to ruin this, it’s barely started._

“taeyangie?” he calls out. “thought you’d be in my room.” taeyang doesn’t bother giving a response, continues to stare at the wall with his back to juho. that doesn’t really put juho off though, and every step he takes _closer, closer, closer,_ it dawns on him that he can’t run from this anymore. can’t hide from juho anymore. needs to tell him, even if it’s stupid.

juho takes his jeans off, gets under the covers with him, wastes no time pressing his chest against taeyang’s back and wrapping his arms around his waist. despite everything, taeyang relaxes into juho’s hold, shuffles back into juho’s arms. feels safe. feels like this is where he’s meant to be, like juho's body was made just for him.

they stay like that for a while, just basking in each other’s presence. taeyang doesn’t mind though, can never mind juho. loves him to death. feels like every cell in his body is singing, yearning, reaching for juho.

fInally, after what feels like forever, juho presses a soft kiss to the back of taeyang's neck and speaks again. “wanna tell me what’s wrong?” and he doesn’t know why but taeyang starts to panic. what if juho _laughs_ at him, tells him he’s being stupid, tells him he’s overreacting and just—just dismisses his feelings? and even though he’d be right, he is being stupid and he is overreacting—he still doesn’t want to hear those words from juho. never wants to hear those words _ever, ever, ever_ —

_calm down. calm down. calm down._

“i’m fine, hyung.” taeyang’s voice doesn’t sound convincing, even to himself.

he can’t see him but taeyang's sure juho’s just rolled his eyes. “turn around, taey. look at me.” taeyang ignores him until juho lifts the hand on his waist to pull on taeyang's ear. “turn around or i’m gonna climb on top of you and squeeze you until you can’t breathe. i swear i will.”

taeyang rolls his eyes this time and finally turns around. he looks at juho’s face properly, feels a wave of calmness washing over him like he does everytime he sees him. juho's expression suddenly softens, gaze fond and he shuffles _closer, closer, closer_ until he's clouding all of taeyang's senses, until juho is all he can feel, all he can see, all he can breathe.

“what’s wrong? talk to me please, baby,” he runs his fingers through taeyang’s hair, massages his skull just the way he likes it. thumbs at taeyang's cheek, his touch soft, gentle, like taeyang is made of glass and could shatter into a million pieces at any moment if he isn’t careful. taeyang feels like he’s falling in love all over again. “we promised we’d communicate, right?” 

taeyang sighs. “i know hyung, but it’s not easy.”

“i know but i’m just—worried. i know something’s been bothering you for a while. you need to tell me so i can fix it.” juho whispers the last part, voice tender and it just—does something to taeyang, makes him want to tell juho everything. makes him want to tell juho every single last hidden secret he holds safe, locked away in his heart. wants to whisper it to him under the covers. he wants to tell juho everything because he knows he’d never ever judge him, but his anxiety, _his anxiety_ —

“it’s stupid.”

juho shakes his head, runs his thumb under taeyang's lips. “it’s not stupid if it’s bothering you, baby.”

“hyung.” taeyang is whining now. “i’m serious.”

“so am i. c’mon. tell me. i promise it’ll be fine.”

and taeyang just—feels all his defences go down. feels defeated, in a way that makes him want to be honest now. so he just says it. blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind because if he thinks twice he won’t ever let the words leave his mouth.

“i’m yours, right?”

juho looks a bit taken aback, looks like he wasn’t expecting that and even taeyang is a bit wide-eyed, a bit dazed at his own words and extremely embarrassed but juho—juho just nods, looking earnest. “mhm. mine.” he plants a small kiss on taeyang’s nose. “you’re my baby.”

taeyang takes a minute to hide his face in juho’s neck, trying to collect his thoughts. he gathers enough courage to look at juho in the eyes and pulls back. “your _only_ baby? you don’t think of the others like that?”

“taeyang—what? of course i don’t. i thought you knew that.” juho looks worried now, like he hasn’t made himself clear to taeyang, like he hasn’t reassured him again and again that he only loves him and only wants to be with him but he has, it’s just taeyang wants to hear it again and again and again anyway because he temporarily forgets it during times like this—“no, i do! i just—i just want to hear it all the time, i guess.” taeyang bites his lip, nervous. _nervous, nervous, nervous._

and then—and then taeyang groans, because he can see it. he can literally see the stages of juho’s expression changing, see the look of realisation dawn over juho’s face, slowly but surely as he puts all the pieces together. taeyang wants to _die_. “...are you jealous right now?”

“what? of course not!” taeyang’s first instinct is to deny it, and so he does. he denies it but then he remembers that the whole point of this conversation is for him to be honest about his feelings and then he just—backtracks. “i—i mean, maybe a little bit.” taeyang flushes, cheeks rosy pink. hides his face in his pillow and juho grins, actually _coos_ at him. taeyang is _mortified_. 

“ _hyung_. hyung, please don’t start.” taeyang whines, spares a glance at him and sees that juho isn’t laughing but he’s smiling, very wide and he looks like he’s going to start teasing him any moment and that's even worse because taeyang feels like he won’t be able to handle that. this isn’t funny to him—it’s sad and embarrassing and he can’t take juho teasing him. he can’t. he just wants reassurance and this—this wasn’t a good idea. 

“i didn’t even say anything, sun.”

“well. i know what you’re going to say.”

“mhmm.” juho’s grin gets bigger, eyesmile on display and in any other situation taeyang would be able to appreciate how _adorable_ he looks but right now—right now he’s got other things to think about. like how fucking humiliated he feels. “is my baby jealous?”

“hyung,” taeyang’s voice cracks. “please stop.” and taeyang actually feels close to tears, and he doesn't want juho to see him so he pulls the covers over his head and tries to hide. he feels so stupid and embarrassed and dumb and he shouldn’t, he shouldn’t because juho is just teasing him like he always does. it shouldn’t be a big deal but—but he was actually really anxious about this and he just wants juho to comfort him, tell him he’s okay, that his feelings are valid—not make a joke out of it.

_calm down. calm down._

juho freezes next to him and quickly pulls the cover off of him. he seems to realise they're not on the same page and sits up, leaning back on the headboard. grabs taeyang’s arm, urges him to come _closer, closer, closer_ until taeyang is straddling juho’s hips, knees on either side of him. taeyang is still flustered, still avoiding all eye contact. still feels like he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

juho tilts taeyang’s chin up with his index finger and reaches for both of his hands. brings them to his lips and presses soft, fleeting kisses to each of his knuckles. each kiss feels like an apology. “okay. okay. i’m sorry for joking about it. let it all out. i promise i won’t say anything.”

“i’m—i’m sorry.”

“don’t apologize for your feelings, babe.”

“i know but i feel a bit ridiculous right now.” fuck taeyang's inability to _not_ cry. once the first few tears show up the rest follow like a fucking _open tap_ —

“taeyang. taey, don’t cry. don't cry, please.” he lets go of his hands and wraps his arms around his waist, pulling taeyang closer. taeyang hugs him back, curls his arms around juho’s shoulders. buries his face into juho’s neck.

“i’m sorry.” he whispers.

“it’s fine. talk to me.”

it takes him a few minutes, but taeyang wills himself to _calm down_. he pulls back, wipes his tears with the back of his hands. hates how emotional he gets sometimes.

“i—i know there’s nothing to be jealous about. believe me hyung, i know. but whenever i see rowoon hyung or dawon hyung all over you i just get a bit. i don’t know. protective?” taeyang mumbles, still sniffling and he’s blushing bright pink because he’s so _embarrassed_ and it’s so hard for him to continue looking at juho when he’s like this but he can’t look away because juho won’t _let_ him.

juho just gives him a knowing smile. “you know i get jealous all the time, right?”

“what?”

“yeah.” he’s tugging at the necklace taeyang is wearing, the little silver cross that juho got him for his twentieth birthday. taeyang never takes it off. “all the time. when i walk into the living room and hwiyoung’s cuddling you on the couch, or when you’re often alone with chani making choreography. all the time, sun.” juho strokes his spine, up and down, up and down. it’s soothing. “but i tell myself it’s fine because i’m yours, and you’re mine. i love you, always. and you love me too. don’t you love me?”

taeyang feels—he feels choked up. he never once considered the idea that maybe juho would be jealous too, just always thought of his feelings all the time. always thought that maybe juho would find it weird when in fact—in fact he was going through the same thing. “of course i do. love you so much, hyung.” taeyang smiles, small but confident. if there’s one thing he’s sure of, it’s that.

“then we’re fine, baby. got nothing to worry about. i’ve got you, always.” and taeyang is a bit overwhelmed. feels lucky, incredibly lucky to have someone so understanding, so reassuring, so loving and caring. juho knows how to get to taeyang, always knows how to give him what he needs. so taeyang shuffles forward and presses his lips onto juho’s, _soft, soft, soft_. juho cradles his head, strokes his thumb over the angle of his jaw, _gentle, gentle, gentle_. hopes this kiss conveys everything he feels, how thankful he is, how much he appreciates juho all the time. _how much he loves him._

taeyang breaks away from him and the familiar grin is back on juho’s face. taeyang can’t help but giggle. he feels giddy, on cloud nine and he wants to kiss juho again so he does, holds onto juho’s waist and leans in to press his lips on juho’s mouth, this time with a bit more pressure and juho kisses him back just as hard. runs his tongue over his bottom lip and taeyang actually whines into his mouth. it feels so good.

“hmm. my baby,” juho mumbles against his lips, starts to pepper kiss over his nose, his eyelids, his forehead. “my pretty baby.” and taeyang's cheeks flare. juho knows how weak he is for that pet name, even uses it against him sometimes. calls him baby apologetically whenever taeyang shouts at him for not sleeping enough, or drinking too much coffee or working too much and it makes taeyang sort of just—forget why he was even mad in the first place. it’s _terrible_.

a thought suddenly hits taeyang and he leans back, still flustered. “hyung,” he whines in disbelief. “oh my god hyung, you are so annoying. why would you tease me about it when you felt the same?”

“mhm. always love teasing you. your reactions are the best.”

“wow. one day i’m gonna put these muscles to good use and kick your ass.”

“i’d love to see you try. i’d literally just call you _baby_ and you’d fall into my arms again.”

“ _hyung_.” taeyang looks horrified. makes a show of getting off of juho’s lap and leaving, but juho just pulls him back by the arm, brings him closer by the neck and presses a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth before taeyang mumbles “i hate you.”

“i had to,” and juho is laughing now, the loud, carefree cackle that taeyang _loves_. he’s laughing so much that his whole body is shaking, and taeyang doesn’t even bother holding back the giggles bubbling in his chest. so they laugh and laugh until their stomachs hurt, until they’re rolling around on the bed, until their laughs become one, until neither of them can tell which sounds are coming from juho and which ones are coming from taeyang.

**Author's Note:**

> hello fantasy talk to me please 👉👈
> 
> [+twitter](https://twitter.com/gyeoulnim)   
>  [+curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/gyeoulnim)


End file.
